Sunday, December 25, 2011
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Monday, December 19, 2011
The Face...
http://i.imgur.com/QPdho.jpg for the full size pic. Blogspot is having issues with it's size.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
My accent
As some of you know, I'm Delaware County PA raised and choose to live in Texas.
It's comical to hear Texans try figure out where I'm from, because Philly-area people sounds like their own and Hollywood has NEVER gotten a Philly accent right on film (sans Bam Margera & Kevin Bacon).
Sean Monahan does a comically-exaggerated explanation of it for us on YouTube:
I can agree that I've heard about 90% of the pronunciations. Just not all in one shot like he just gave...
He has some other vids on YouTube. Check them out.
It's comical to hear Texans try figure out where I'm from, because Philly-area people sounds like their own and Hollywood has NEVER gotten a Philly accent right on film (sans Bam Margera & Kevin Bacon).
Sean Monahan does a comically-exaggerated explanation of it for us on YouTube:
I can agree that I've heard about 90% of the pronunciations. Just not all in one shot like he just gave...
He has some other vids on YouTube. Check them out.
Friday, December 16, 2011
Today's WTF
Open Google
Type "I hate it when J" in the search field. DO NOT PRESS ENTER.
Look at the search suggestions...
Type "I hate it when J" in the search field. DO NOT PRESS ENTER.
Look at the search suggestions...
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
People are bored...
and awesome is the result...
Click on the video 2x to open it in YouTube, the watch it in 1080P for the full effect...
Click on the video 2x to open it in YouTube, the watch it in 1080P for the full effect...
The Xmas Party
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 1, 2009
RE: Gala Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd,
starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM.
Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family,
Patty
..............................................................
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 2, 2009
RE: Gala Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on, we're calling it our " Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family,
Patty
..........................................................
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 3, 2009
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody?
And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.
REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
...........................................................
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: October 4, 2009
RE: Generic Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours.
There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each group will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry. We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food . The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first. There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts.
Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?
Patty
....................................................
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F*%^ing Employees
DATE: October 5, 2009
RE: The F*%^ing Holiday Party
I've had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f*%^ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them.. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!
The rest of you f*%^ing weirdoes can kiss my *ss. I hope you all have a rotten holiday!
Drive drunk and die,
The B*tch from H*ll!!!
..............................................
Company Memo
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: October 6, 2009
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
Happy Holidays!
Joan
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 1, 2009
RE: Gala Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd,
starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM.
Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family,
Patty
..............................................................
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 2, 2009
RE: Gala Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on, we're calling it our " Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family,
Patty
..........................................................
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 3, 2009
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody?
And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.
REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
...........................................................
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: October 4, 2009
RE: Generic Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours.
There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each group will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry. We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food . The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first. There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts.
Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?
Patty
....................................................
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F*%^ing Employees
DATE: October 5, 2009
RE: The F*%^ing Holiday Party
I've had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f*%^ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them.. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!
The rest of you f*%^ing weirdoes can kiss my *ss. I hope you all have a rotten holiday!
Drive drunk and die,
The B*tch from H*ll!!!
..............................................
Company Memo
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: October 6, 2009
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
Happy Holidays!
Joan
Friday, December 9, 2011
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
More Religious Lunacy...
CAIRO: An Islamic cleric residing in Europe said that women should not be close to bananas or cucumbers, in order to avoid any “sexual thoughts.”
The unnamed sheikh, who was featured in an article on el-Senousa news, was quoted saying that if women wish to eat these food items, a third party, preferably a male related to them such as their a father or husband, should cut the items into small pieces and serve.
He said that these fruits and vegetables “resemble the male penis” and hence could arouse women or “make them think of sex.”
He also added carrots and zucchini to the list of forbidden foods for women.
The sheikh was asked how to “control” women when they are out shopping for groceries and if holding these items at the market would be bad for them. The cleric answered saying this matter is between them and God.
Answering another question about what to do if women in the family like these foods, the sheikh advised the interviewer to take the food and cut it for them in a hidden place so they cannot see it.
The opinion has stirred a storm of irony and denouncement among Muslims online, with hundreds of comments mocking the cleric.
One reader said that these religious “leaders” give Islam “a bad name” and another commented said that he is a “retarded” person and he must quite his post immediately.
Others called him a seeker of fame, but no official responses from renowned Islamic scholars have been published on the statements.
http://bikyamasr.com/50403/islamic-cleric-bans-women-from-touching-bananas-cucumbers-for-sexual-resemblance/#.Tt-a4RVLDDM.facebook
The unnamed sheikh, who was featured in an article on el-Senousa news, was quoted saying that if women wish to eat these food items, a third party, preferably a male related to them such as their a father or husband, should cut the items into small pieces and serve.
He said that these fruits and vegetables “resemble the male penis” and hence could arouse women or “make them think of sex.”
He also added carrots and zucchini to the list of forbidden foods for women.
The sheikh was asked how to “control” women when they are out shopping for groceries and if holding these items at the market would be bad for them. The cleric answered saying this matter is between them and God.
Answering another question about what to do if women in the family like these foods, the sheikh advised the interviewer to take the food and cut it for them in a hidden place so they cannot see it.
The opinion has stirred a storm of irony and denouncement among Muslims online, with hundreds of comments mocking the cleric.
One reader said that these religious “leaders” give Islam “a bad name” and another commented said that he is a “retarded” person and he must quite his post immediately.
Others called him a seeker of fame, but no official responses from renowned Islamic scholars have been published on the statements.
http://bikyamasr.com/50403/islamic-cleric-bans-women-from-touching-bananas-cucumbers-for-sexual-resemblance/#.Tt-a4RVLDDM.facebook
Monday, December 5, 2011
Friday, December 2, 2011
This guy needs to buy lottery tickets...
From http://www.fjcruiserforums.com/forums/general-discussion/139018-i-blew-up-my-fj-literally.html
EDIT: I guess the notoriety was too much for the forum. They killed the thread to stop the leeching..
So my time almost came to an end this morning... im very lucky to be alive.
First of all, GO HUG YOUR WIFE/HUBBY and tell them you love them.
i had an acetylene bottle in my truck, the valve was bumped so slightly and over night the truck filled with the gas. i noticed the smell, and opened the doors to air out the truck. i drove the truck out of the garage to get some more air movement. i went to roll the pass side window down and as soon as i touched the power windows. BAM. with me in the truck. i lost all hearing out of my right ear and got a scratch on the back of my head. all things considering, im alive.
so now ive got the question out to toyota about a 2012 TT. 125 to canada only, 15 in standard. i want a standard...
pictures tell 1000 words.
dont take any minutes or seconds you have for granted... it may be your last...
peace everyone,
evan...
EDIT: I guess the notoriety was too much for the forum. They killed the thread to stop the leeching..
So my time almost came to an end this morning... im very lucky to be alive.
First of all, GO HUG YOUR WIFE/HUBBY and tell them you love them.
i had an acetylene bottle in my truck, the valve was bumped so slightly and over night the truck filled with the gas. i noticed the smell, and opened the doors to air out the truck. i drove the truck out of the garage to get some more air movement. i went to roll the pass side window down and as soon as i touched the power windows. BAM. with me in the truck. i lost all hearing out of my right ear and got a scratch on the back of my head. all things considering, im alive.
so now ive got the question out to toyota about a 2012 TT. 125 to canada only, 15 in standard. i want a standard...
pictures tell 1000 words.
dont take any minutes or seconds you have for granted... it may be your last...
peace everyone,
evan...
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Revenge, served steaming...
Tattoo Artist Facing Civil Lawsuit
Two trailer park residents in Dayton, Ohio are going to be battling this out in court over the next few months.Tattoo artist, Ryan L. Fitzjerald was hit with a $100,000 lawsuit last week by his ex-girlfriend Rossie Brovent. She claims that her boyfriend was supposed to tattoo a scene from Narnia on her back but instead tattooed an image of a pile of excrement with flies buzzing around it.Apparently Ryan found out that she had cheated with a long-time friend of his and this was his way of getting even. Originally Rossie tried to have Ryan charged with assault but it turns out this crafty tattoo artist got her to sign a consent form prior to the tattoo and it said that the design was ‘at the artists discretion’, she claims; “he tricked her by drinking a bottle of cheap wine with me and doing tequila shots before I signed it and got the tattoo”. “Actually I was passed out for most of the time, and woke up to this horrible image on my back.”
Squirrels Take: I'm not really sure what would be worse here, a tattoo of poop on your back or a Narnia scene. Either way, the girl was bound to like like a moron. White trash sure is entertaining, isn't it?
11/30 EDIT: Turns out that this is fake. Funny story either way...
Credit to VeryWeirdNews.com
http://www.veryweirdnews.com/tattoo-artist-facing-civil-lawsuit/
Monday, November 28, 2011
No Theme Today
Just random crap that made me chuckle...
While she was 'flying' down the road yesterday, a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait.
The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, 'What's your hurry?'
To which she replied, 'I'm late for work.'
'Oh yeah,' said the cop, 'what do you do?'
'I'm a rectum stretcher,' she responded.
The cop stammered, 'A what?............
'A rectum stretcher!'
'And just what does a rectum stretcher do?'
'Well,' she said, 'I start by inserting one finger in the rectum, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch it, until it's about 6 feet'
'And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?' he asked
'You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge...'
Traffic Ticket $398.00
Court Costs $45.00
Look on the Cop's Face....... PRICELESS
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Andy Reid Sucks
The game is still on. I just watched Andy pass on a 4th & less than 1 on the 2 and I'm disgusted. I've had it with with this stupid fat ginger morman assclown who only had success on the coattails of Jim Johnson's defensive prowess.
How many more times will we have to endure another stupid pass play with inches to go, misspent timeouts, failed trick plays, miscommunication of playcalls, and his general arrogance at noon on Mondays? I hope I can count the times on one hand.
I did, however, thoroughly enjoy the 'Andy Sucks' chant that followed from the 67,594 phaithful in attendance.
EDIT 9:30CST: Found a movement I'd be interested in joining, if I didn't hate Facebook more than Andy Reid: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Fire-Andy-The-Movement/170827936338904
Coo Coo Ca Choo, Asshole.
How many more times will we have to endure another stupid pass play with inches to go, misspent timeouts, failed trick plays, miscommunication of playcalls, and his general arrogance at noon on Mondays? I hope I can count the times on one hand.
I did, however, thoroughly enjoy the 'Andy Sucks' chant that followed from the 67,594 phaithful in attendance.
EDIT 9:30CST: Found a movement I'd be interested in joining, if I didn't hate Facebook more than Andy Reid: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Fire-Andy-The-Movement/170827936338904
Coo Coo Ca Choo, Asshole.
Friday, November 25, 2011
Watch your language
Thank you, hippie protestors, for giving me so much material. I really do enjoy when you get sprayed...
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Happy Thanksgiving
With my family spread out in CA, TX, and snowbird parents, I'm heading down to Matagorda on the Texas gulf coast for Thanksgiving with a cajun family I'm friends with. Mmmmm... 1 fried turkey, 1 smoked turkey, and a whole other bird in the gumbo... I'll get a little beach time, golf, and adult beverages to ice the cake. Did I mention there's fewer and fewer things I miss about SEPA?
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Monday, November 21, 2011
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